


Peter In Wonderland

by thisislegit



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Superfamily, Superhusbands, Thorki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 13:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisislegit/pseuds/thisislegit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Non-betaed<br/>Comments are welcome.<br/>Piece inspired by Crystal who drew this picture http://crazyk-c.tumblr.com/post/36129003675/the-great-ninja-suzuki-requested-a-pic-of</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Tweedled Into This

**Author's Note:**

> Non-betaed  
> Comments are welcome.  
> Piece inspired by Crystal who drew this picture http://crazyk-c.tumblr.com/post/36129003675/the-great-ninja-suzuki-requested-a-pic-of

Now Peter remembered a lot of things. He remembered when he fought his first big baddie, Doctor Octopus was no joke. He remembered becoming a temporary avenger (awesome). He even remembered his first date because his fathers had made it the most embarrassing night of his life (definitely not awesome). What he didn’t remember though was how he got here, in a blue dress, with a matching bow in his hair.

The flowers surrounding him were huge and they all had their own faces, some of which looked horridly familiar. They stared down at him as he walked through trying to keep at least some pride in this ridiculously outfit.

“Does this one speak?” said a calla lily that held the features of a certain Ms.Marvel.

“Uhh, yes?” he responded nervously rubbing his hands together.

“Oh lovely! Not you though, you’re a rather, hideous flower,” stated a bright red camellia that looked like Darcy as she prodded at his form with her leaves.

“Hey hey stop that!” he snapped batting at the leaves.

“Could he be a weed?” asked a yellow tulip that resembled a SHIELD agent.

“A weed?!” The cry started flooding out of every flowers mouth. Peter figured it was his time to escape. He dashed through as flowers began slashing at him, at times with thorns, until he made it out to a clearing.

“Okay, even I’m not so stupid as to not figure out where I am. First I saw giant talking flowers with familiar faces. I’m probably going to run into odd animals and moving signs as well. Straight down the rabbit hole goes Peter Parker Rogers-Stark. Perfect.” He said aloud to himself.

“Who is it?” asked a female voice.

“It doesn’t look like an it. It looks more like a that,” replied a male one.

“Okay, who is that?” the female voice asked again.

“No idea honestly. I haven’t seen a that in years,” the male voice said.

“You’ve claimed to see an it yesterday but haven’t seen a that in who knows when. Well aren’t you useful DumDum,” she chimed.

“You know I always hated that nickname, or do you want me to bring back DeeDee,” he retorted.

“Hey! Who’s talking!?” Peter called out.

“Well whoever that is, they’re rude,” said a woman with short red hair.

A man followed after her, they both wore matching black jumpsuits with a white crown symbol over their hearts.

“Uncle Clint? Aunty Tasha?”

“What’s an uncle?” she asked.

“Bob’s your uncle that’s what it is,” Clint answered.

“I haven’t seen Uncle Bob in ages. Didn’t he die?”

“Yeah he did back in 23…er…weeks or so,” Clint said doing a swirling motion with his hands.

“Wait a minute you just told me an it was a Bob’s your uncle. If Uncle Bob died then you lied about seeing an it yesterday!” she accused.

“There are a lot of its just like there are a lot of that’s and this and those and whos and whats. Don’t be crazy,” he responded.

“You forgot about the whys,” she said in a sing-song voice.

“Okay stop!” Peter snapped.

They both looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“Oh I know the problem. We didn’t introduce ourselves,” she whispered.

“Oh right! The name’s Clint Tweedledum,” Clint said politely.

“I am Natasha Tweedledee, but we’re not at your service,” she said.

“Yeah, we need to be paid for that kind of response,” Clint stated haughtily.

“Okay then. So talking flowers, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, what’s next is the-! Hey!” he called out the last part to both of them.

“Yes,” they said simultaneously.

“Can you take me to the Hatter?”

They laughed together quite loudly actually. Natasha was holding onto her sides and Clint held himself against a tree. They were near to the point of tears before they stopped and looked at him again.

“We can’t tell you that,” Clint stated.

“Why not?”

“We can’t tell you that either,” Natasha stated.

“Well, why not?”

“Because we don’t know,” they both stated.

“Do you know anyone that does know?”

“You’ll need a guide, but not us. We don’t do guiding,” Natasha answered.

“But we can guide you to a guide,” Clint said afterwords.

“Yes guiding you to a guide isn’t actually guiding, it’s more like…uh?”

“Leading,” Clint offered.

“Yes leading,” Natasha confirmed.

“All right. Lead away then,” Peter said gesturing towards the woods.

Natasha and Clint walked side by side with Peter trailing closely behind them. He didn’t hear much of their conversation, but he did hear words like “White Queen”, “She’s going to be ecstatic”, “Keep him safe”, “No, he’s downright mad, you know he denies it”, and something along the lines of “The old tyrant won’t know what hit her”.

Soon they approached a thin house that was three stories tall. It looked quaint painted in cool pastel whites with brown plated rooftops. The windows were round, small, and framed with wood. Smoke escaped from the dark brown chimney showing signs of life.

“You just go and knock on the door and ask to get guided. The white rabbit will do anything for free…well not anything, but nice things,” Clint explained.

“What about you two?”

“We have business,” Natasha dedpanned.

“Important business,” Clint said tapping the crown symbol.

“Important classified business,” she said as they literally disappeared.

“….okay then,” Peter muttered squinting at the air. He walked up to the old wooden door and knocked twice.

There was a scuffling inside before a tall blonde man answered. He was in a deep blue suit, with a red button up shirt and a white tie. His shoes gleamed white and a pair of taller white ears sat upon his head.

“Pop?”

The man looked confused before asking, “What’s popping?”

“Sorry uh it’s how I greet rabbits? Anyway you’re um…Steve Rabbit?” he asked not sure if he was getting the pattern down for names in this world.

“Yes sir. Steve Rabbit at your service. Usually I’m called the White Rabbit, but that’s just a formality. You can call me Steve,” he said holding out his hand.

Peter shook at and returned the smile he was being given.

“Oh, come in come in,” Steve gestured moving aside.

Peter walked in and saw a nice sitting room on the right, a set of stairs to his front, and a dining room on his right.

“The kitchen is just past that way, but would you like some tea?” he offered.

“Oh no actually I came to ask for some guidance.”

“Oh?”

“Yes! Could you take me to the Mad Hatter?”

Steve froze nearly dropping the tray of tea.

“Uh, well um. I’m not sure if I can,” Steve stuttered out.

“Why not? Is it because you don’t know where he is?” Peter prodded.

“No it’s not that! I mean, are you sure you want to see _him_? I could guide you to all sorts of other places, other people,” Steve offered.

“No, I need to see the Hatter if that’s all right.”

Steve sighed and set down the tea tray.

“All right.”

Steve cleaned up the small amount of dishes in the kitchen before grabbing his chained watch and placing it into his pocket. They set out on their journey going through several bushes at a time.

“So what’s your name?” Steve asked.

“Oh, it’s Peter! Sorry. I should’ve said so earlier.”

“It’s okay. May I ask why you need to see the Hatter?”

“Well I need to confirm somethings, and seeing you already gave me some confirmation about the subject I’m debating on,” Peter explained. “I also know the only way the story to progress so I can get out of here is to meet him, both queens, and the Cheshire cat,” he thought to himself.

“May I ask what those things are?” he asked holding up a branch for Peter to walk under.

“Uh, well. They’re a bit mad?”

“That would explain why you need him to confirm them. He’s about as mad as one can get, well if you exclude the Mad Hare, the mouse, and Chess I suppose. He always denies being as mad as he is though. I also have to warn you about something else about him,” Steve spoke as he ushered them past the lake.

“What’s that?”

“He...makes things. They’re things that sometimes have no explanation as to their importance, crazy things, amazing things, things that do things, and things that do nothing. He calls them inventions, we call them things. He doesn’t really give them individual names, but once I caught him talking to them as if they were real, as if they could interact like you and me,” Steve explained.

Peter remembered his dad talking to the bots and JARVIS back home. He didn’t find it insane, but he realized it was because he was used to it and normal people didn’t catch their fathers talking to robots at 1 a.m. Yes they did actually interact with him, but that only made it sound more insane, so he could kind of see why he got the part of the “Mad Hatter”.

“We’re almost there,” Steve stated as they made their way down a hill. The sun had begun to set, and Peter didn’t even notice how long they’ve been walking.

“Hey, when did we start walking to the Hatter’s place?”

Steve took out his watch and replied, “about 2 hours ago.”

Peter held back his surprise as they saw huge bowls of smoke fly up from the tree tops.

“I’m guessing that’s him.”

“You guessed right.”


	2. I'm NOT Mad

They both approached a house much larger than Steve’s by 3 times. Outside sat a long table filled with cups and pots and scraps of metallic things that beeped, chimed, and blinked in random patterns. A tiny Logan peeked out from under a pot lid with mouse ears ontop of his head before throwing a plate both of them.

Peter barely held back his laughter as they ducked. Reed Richards sat at the table with brown rabbit ears upon his head putting together pieces of metal and watching them flash before doing it again with two different pieces.

The Hatter came outside holding onto a small box with a red button, flipping it in all sorts of directions as he examined it. He was in a hot rod red suit with gold trim on the edges. A white button up adorned with a gold tie, and he wore black shoes to match. A large matching red top hat sat on his head with a piece of paper in the gold ribbon band that read 6/9.

If the suit didn’t scream Tony the face did with his familiar clean-cut goatee.

“You!” He said putting the box into his pocket and darting over to Peter.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Well not looking, more like waiting. Waiting and looking are two completely different things you see. I prefer to wait, and not to look unless I need to look for something, and I knew you’d be coming so I decided to wait instead of to look because had I looked I would’ve missed waiting for you, but I didn’t look I waited and here you are,” he rambled as he lifted Peter by his waist and walked him over to the table. By the time he finished he had sat Peter into one of the chairs and poured him a cup of tea.

“Soo who are you?” Tony asked.

“Uh I’m Peter.”

“Peter, piper, popping, patter, batter..Ah! Cake batter! Would you like some cake batter Peter? No never mind don’t answer that! I don’t even have cake batter, at least not now. I would have to make some. Do I even have time to make some? Well I was making some coffee, and cake batter and coffee both start with a C so I probably have time to make things that start with a C, and uh…hm,” Tony paused and rested his arms on the table leaning onto them.

“So, uh-“

“Oh!” Tony turned away from Peter and placed one hand on the table leaning onto it.

“ _Hi_ Steve,” he said leering at him.

Steve’s cheeks tinted pink as he glared at him.

“Hello Hatter. I see you’re mad as ever.”

“I’m not mad. Why would I be mad at anyone? They always call me mad when I’m not mad at anyone. I couldn’t be mad at anyone. Well I could, and I might be if people keep calling me mad, but I’m not mad when anyone gets here so I don’t know why they call me mad. Besides I consider myself to be enthusiastic other than mad. Couldn’t I be the Enthusiastic Hatter and not the Mad Hatter. The mad part makes me sound evil or something, and I am not evil. I am good, at least I’m what I think good should be which good is not mad in fact it is the opposite of mad, good is happy,” Tony said rolling a small ball under his palm.

“Uh-“

“Mad is a lot easier to say than insane, or as you put it “enthusiastic”,” Steve retorted.

“It’s also very confusing. Come on Steve. Can’t you just call me Tony? Just once,” Tony approached him and rested his hands onto chest batting his eyelashes.

Steve removed his hands and gently pushed Tony away.

“Come on _Hatter_ , that young man wanted to see you which is the only reason I’m even here. Go talk to him already,” Steve stated.

Tony grumbled and turned on his heel facing Peter again who was peeking under the pot lid and poking at Logan with a spoon.

“Hey hey hey! Stop that you! He’s sensitive,” Tony said rushing over and closing the pot lid.

“Sorry,” Peter said not looking the least bit sorry.

“What is it that you needed from me?”

Peter honestly wasn’t sure what to do next. He’d met Tweedledee and Dum, The White Rabbit, The Mad Hatter and his crew. He wasn’t even sure if he was going in the order that the story told him. He also wasn’t sure whether this was the movie or the book version and which movies and which books he was in. Was it some weird combination of them all?

“I need you to come with me to see the White Queen,” the words tumbled out before he could stop them.

Tony stepped back in shock and looked to Steve before turning back to Peter.

“Come again?”

“I need you to come with me to see the White Queen,” he answered more sure this time.

“….why?”

“I need you and your inventions,” Peter answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh…well I’m flattered. I really am, but the White Queen and I aren’t exactly- I mean we are , but we never got to- it’s complicated between us. I’d say it’s complicated. Wouldn’t you say it’s complicated?”

“I’d say it’s complicated,” Reed stated.

“I’d say it’s complicated,” Logan gruffed from inside the pot.

“See it’s complicated.”

“Please Tony. I really need your help,” Peter said unleashing the puppy eyes. It always worked on his dads back home, so maybe it worked here.

Tony sighed and rubbed at his face.

“On one condition,” Tony said scratching his neck.

“Okay. What’s the condition?”

“Steve has to guide us,” Tony replied looking at Steve and wiggling his eyebrows.

“Oh no. No, you are not dragging me into this.”

“Please Steve,” Peter said directing the puppy eyes onto him.

Steve faltered with his words for a bit before finally agreeing.

They gave Tony time to gather up his things into two nice briefcases before setting out again. Reed and Logan said they would catch up in a couple days. After they got to another clearing in the forest Tony set down his brief cases rather dramatically.

“Okay break time, for Peter, not me I just started walking with you two, but unlike Steve here who is almost like perfect in every way, I bet Peter is exhausted,” Tony said going through the darker briefcase and pulling out some cake.

“You did have cake.”

“Not cake batter though, I can’t turn cake into cake batter, but I could make something that could do that…no that’s stupid what would I even need that for? I can just not bake the cake batter if I wanted cake batter and not cake. That was a dumb idea Peter,” Tony said handing him a slice.

Peter rolled his eyes and sat on the grass with him flattening his skirt absent-mindedly. Steve sat between them and accepted a slice of cake as politely as he could with Tony making eyes at him.

“So why is it complicated between you and the White Queen?” Peter asked taking another bite.

“Well-uh”

“The White Queen and the Hatter had a small liaison going on before it ended on bad terms.”

“Our chemistry was good, great even, we still talk, quite a lot, just visiting. I don’t visit. Visiting is, I avoid visiting. I don’t want to bring up anything, and I’d look stupid. I’m not stupid. I’m an intelligent person with a lot of wonderful features. I also apparently have a lot of not so wonderful features. I think those were the ones she didn’t like,” Tony rambled on.

“Like leaving for days at a time with no explanation upon your return,” Steve offered.

“Hey I had good reason to leave, just because I don’t always remember them doesn’t make them automatically bad,” Tony argued.

“Yes, but worrying the Queen for absolutely no reason is bad. It’s very bad. It is also considered to be hurtful.”

“I apologized…I think…maybe.”

“ _Hatter,”_ Steve said in that tone that Peter recognized from back home. That was the “I’m disappointed in you because I know you can do better” tone.

“I know I apologized,” Tony confirmed looking at his hands. He rubbed them together and shook his head biting his lip.

Steve gave him a concerned look before sighing quietly. Peter could cut the tension with a butter knife. He heard a small chuckling overhead from one of the trees.

“What was that?” he asked.

Tony’s hat was plucked off of his head and he made a mad rush for it.

“Dammit not you again!” he yelled.

“Hello Hatter,” said a smooth male voice. Loki’s face appeared before the rest of him followed. He wore a green button up and black dress pants along with a long black jacket with gold trim on the bottom edges. Black ears perched atop his head with green tips and a green and black striped tail that was bent at odd angles floated behind him. His feet were bare and he held Tony’s hat in his hands before placing it on his head.

“Oh how I love this hat,” he purred out.


	3. The White Queen is rather Peppered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-betaed   
> If any mistakes let me know.  
> Sorry this chapter is so late. I'll try to update more often.

Loki floated out of Tony’s reach as he lay back in mid-air.

“You know we wouldn’t have to go through this if you just made me my own hat, just like this one,” Loki said as he petted the gold ribbon.

“My hat is one of a kind! Now get your grimy paws off of it. I mean yeah I’ll make you a hat, but I also kind of keep forgetting to. But we don’t have time for that. Give that back, I have to look nice for the White Queen,” Tony said as he jumped making a grab for Loki’s tail.

“The White Queen? I thought you didn’t visit,” he chuckled as he plopped the hat back onto Tony’s head.

“Yes well, this is different! This is important. It’s for Peter,” Tony replied as he adjusted his hat.

“Peter?” Loki asked as he vanished. A black and green stripped cat appeared atop of Peter’s shoulder and rubbed himself along his neck.

“Well Peter. May I join you on this journey? There’s someone at the palace I’ve been dying to get my paws on that I just haven’t seen in ages.”

“Well yeah I don’t see why not,” Peter answered.

“Lovely,” he stated as he appeared atop of Tony’s hat.

“Get off!” Tony said grabbing his hat and shaking it up and down it furiously.

Loki didn’t budge and yawned at Tony’s efforts. Steve shrugged as he gathered himself up. Tony begrudgingly cleaned up their mess and picked up his briefcases once again as they continued their journey.

They came to a two-way cross in their path that Steve eyed warily.

“That’s strange,” he mumbled.

“What is it?” Peter asked.

“This used to be one path leading straight forward. Now it’s two leading in opposite directions. Something funny is going on here. I just walked to the palace using this same path a few days ago,” Steve said touching the sign.

“Does that mean we just keep going straight then,” Peter said as he looked up ahead.

“No, if the paths changed then it was for a reason. The White Queen changes them to keep the Red Queen’s soldiers from storming the palace; either that or someone is initiating foul play. Peter, who else knows about your journey to see the White Queen?” Steve asked turning to him.

“No one but you 3. Natasha and Clint only knew to lead me to your place so that you could take me to the hatter…unless. Shit. I heard some bits of their conversation. They were talking about the White Queen. They said she was going to be happy about something, but I know I heard them say “The old tyrant won’t know what hit her,” Peter answered.

“Those idiots!” Steve said slapping his forehead.

“So are we not going to the palace?” Tony popped in.

“No we are, but we have to figure out how to get there. Usually when the queen changes the paths she sends me a message on which to take, but since I haven’t been home it’s probably still in the mailbox. We’re on our own with this one,” Steve finished taking out his watch.

“What happens if we take the wrong path?” Peter wondered aloud.

“One of two things will happen, we’ll either be lead into a trap, or we’ll walk right to the Red Queen’s palace. The soldiers of the Red Queen who are sent to storm the White Queen’s palace always end up in a trap or right back where they began. The followers of the White Queen receive encoded messages whenever the path to her palace changes for their safety,” Loki answered.

“Do you get those letters?” Peter continued.

“I tend to come and go as I please to many locations, so if I truly want to find a place I get there just fine on my own,” Loki said not really answering his question, but answering it all the same.

“Which path should we take Steve?” Tony asked bristling with excitement.

Steve’s ears perked up and twitched at the tips. His right ear began twitching more reverently than his left before bending down completely. He bit his lip and closed his eyes trying hard to listen for something distinct. Peter heard his shoe tap in a sure short rhythm before he turned his head and took the left path.

Tony, Peter, and Loki all looked at each other before Tony shrugged and followed after him. As they went along the path small animals scurried out of their way. They came to another pass this one with 3 paths to take.

“Right,” Steve said taking that path as the others trailed behind him.

After a few more slightly unsure turns no more breaks in the paths appeared.

“The paths change, but the one thing the soldiers don’t know is that the castle itself never moves. I know for a fact as long as I keep going north we’ll head to the White Queen’s palace. The palace of the Red Queen lies to the far west and you can usually tell you’re on your way there from the smell of death that permeates the trees,” Steve briefed them as the large white castle came into view.

“This is why Steve is the most perfect of guides,” Tony smiled brushing their shoulders together.

Steve grunted and they continued walking to the gate. Two guards about as tall as the trees behind them crossed their swords in front of the gates.

“Who goes there?!” bellowed the first one.

“I the White Rabbit have brought companions to meet with the Queen,” Steve said with a bow.

“Oi! Steve! We ‘aven’t seen you in almost a decade. Come on in then,” replied the second one as the swords were moved.

“Thanks Terrance,” Steve stated as he ushered everyone through the gate.

“The guards seem to really like you,” Peter chimed.

“Everyone likes Steve, and anyone who doesn’t like Steve is an evil mastermind out for his lucky rabbit’s foot, but other than that Steve is very likeable to everyone,” Tony said before Steve could answer.

“Who is it that you needed to see Lok- er Chess,” Peter questioned.

“A very very big dog,” Loki replied his grin nearly splitting his face.

As they entered the throne room they saw the back of a large man with blonde hair tied back was adorned in a cream white tunic, and his brown pants had been tucked into black work boots. The gold pointed ears on his head twitched as he engaged in a conversation with one of the girls cleaning the throne.

“The White Queen suspects that someone is leaking information. She has the commander commandeering everyone. I would suggest you make haste to the office hall so that you can be spoken with and cleared. Tell the other ladies of the court as well if you don’t mind. If anyone has any secrets to hide they will come out,” the man said seeming to finish his speech.

The maid nodded and made her exit. His tail stood quickly to attention as he turned around and glared with his pale blue eyes.

“Loki,” he growled.

“Hello Thor,” Loki said appearing next to him, very human once again, and trailing a hand down his arm.

“Thor! Could you tell us what’s going on,” Steve asked before a something broke out.

Thor’s shoulders sagged as he scratched at his beard.

“It seems we have a traitor amongst our midsts. Tweedledee and Tweedledum have told us of a stranger coming to our lands, and word has spread to the Red Queen somehow,” Thor boomed.

“Well they were talking about it as we walked to Steve’s house so really anyone in the forest could’ve heard it,” Peter responded.

“…oh,” Thor blinked before visibly bristling. 

Loki had wrapped his tail around Thor’s and was tugging lightly.

“Stop that!,” he said swatting his tail away. Loki gave him an innocent look before Tony spoke up.

“Okay, where’s the White Queen?” he asked.

“Ah Anthony! Welcome back…I thought you didn’t visit?” Thor asked.

“I’m here because Peter asked me to be here, and he kind of needs to see the White Queen for some reason, so yeah not visiting more like here on business,” Tony snarked.

“Yes well she is in the kitchen, which I remember you Anthony being banned from so it’s best if you stay in here.”

Steve nodded as Tony pouted. Peter followed Steve’s directions to the letter and ended up in a large white tiled room with cabinets and pantry doors spilling with food, and jars of things he couldn’t quite name. Pots were boiling on the stove and a woman with long red hair was twitting about the kitchen. A small crown sat perched upon her head, but she was adorned in all white clothing. Heels clicked as she picked up jars sniffing them once or twice before pouring a bit or a glob into different concoctions.

“Hello Peter,” she said before he could get a word out.

“You know my name?”

“Oh yes,” the queen turned around facing him with a bright smile.

“Aunty Pepper,” he whispered just under his breath.

“Pepper? Only the Hatter called me that. No, it’s simply the White Queen, but if you’ve taken a liking to the nickname you may continue using it. It’s grown on me as well.”

“Yes uh, my queen. So are you in here getting ready for war?”

“War? Why would anyone get ready for war in a kitchen?”

“Oh uh well, no I mean, it’s just that,um…”

“It’s just that what?”

“I don’t know!” Peter had found a small stool to seat himself on as he wrapped his arms around himself.

“What’s wrong dear?”

“I’m stuck. I’m not supposed to be in this place, with you people. I don’t belong here. Everyone I know is here, but they’re not them, and apparently I’m not me. I don’t know how to get back home, and if I am home I don’t know what happened or how to wake up…but I guess to you that sounds pretty mad huh?” Peter explained as he wiped a hand over his face.

“Oh no not one bit. People and things often get misplaced, but sooner or later they’re righted again. What’s your full name dear?”

“Peter Rogers-Stark.”

“Oh! That’s a boy’s name. I must get you a change of clothes, and you must get some sleep immediately. Now go on back, find a dog named Thor, and tell him the White Queen orders you and your guests to be given rooms for the night. Also tell Tony and Steve that I expect them to come to my private hall so that I may speak with them before they head to their quarters,” she said lifting Peter from the stool.

Pepper placed a kiss on both of his cheeks, just like she would back home if he were upset, and smiled at him. He offered a weak smile back and did as he was told.

As he stepped out of the kitchen he wondered how she knew his first name, and about how he brought the Hatter, but all was forgotten as he heard a loud commotion taking place back in the main hall.

“Come now Thor, it was an accident.”

“You set her tail on fire, I saw you do it!”

“She was getting her paws all over you and you allowed it! What did you expect me to do? Sit there and watch you and her make babies.”

“I was going to push her off.”

“Yes after you had gotten what you wanted! You wonder why I’d left! That’s why you insufferable oaf! Here I am trying to make amends and you’re the one playing the victim!”

“Loki-“

“Don’t you use those kicked puppy eyes on me. I was hurt. I’m still hurt.”

“Loki that poodle and I were just friends, and I wasn’t going to do anything with her. The fact that you don’t trust me-“

“I have always trusted you! But trust and feeling inferior are two completely different things. You’ve always expected so much of me.”

“I expected everything you are capable of and more because you’re always capable of more. I’m not going to limit my thinking to simply what you already know. There are hundreds of things you know that I do not.”

“Uh-” Peter was about to interject before Tony slapped a hand over his mouth and pulled him and Steve out of the main hall and to a side hallway.

“I think we need to let them sort this out don’t you?”

Peter nodded seeing as how his words would be muffled. Tony removed his hand and pretended to remove some dust from his shoulder.

“What did the white queen say?” Steve asked.

“Oh she said to go to Thor and ask him to give us all rooms-“

“Well we’re going to have to wait for that,” chimed in Tony.

“-She also said that you and Steve are supposed to meet her in her Private Hall before going to your rooms so that she may speak with you.”

“Peter. Did she really say her private hall?” Steve questioned looking serious.

“Of course she didn’t. We haven’t been there in years, no one has. It’s not…you know? Right?” Tony answered looking between them.

“She did say her private hall,” Peter confirmed.

“Damn. Okay kid, since Thor is preoccupied you’re coming with us.”

“Hatter! The queen said only you and I.”

“Yeah well I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. So we’re a two for one package now. Come on,” Tony stated as he grabbed onto Peter’s hand leading them both.

Steve sighed and followed. 

Strange things were beginning to happen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll have a picture of The Captain's uniform up on the last chapter along with several other character drawings.

The doors to the private hall stood high and each had a golden lock that covered the midsection of each one.

“Wow,” mumbled Peter.

“Tell me about. I haven’t had to come to these doors in years. All right Steve open ‘em up.”

“What? Me? Why do I have to do it?”

“Because I’m not strong enough and I know Peter isn’t strong enough.”

“Hey!”

“So put those Adonis muscles to work and open the doors,” Tony finished with a grand arc gesture with his arm.

Steve furrowed his brows and sighed before walking up the doors and slipping his fingers between the small crack between them. Tony pulled Peter back a few meters so that they wouldn’t get crushed as Steve grunted and pulled the door open. However he put too much strength into the pull causing the door to open fully and slam against the sidewall.

“…oops,” Steve whispered slightly hunching his shoulders.

“Oh please come in,” fluttered Pepper’s voice from inside the dark room.

Candles lit their way in and the doors closed briskly behind them after they entered. A few moments later the entire room was lit up. The chandeliers on the ceiling glimmered brightly with their small captives of heat.

“Peter? I thought you were in your rooms by now,” Pepper said her voice confused.

“Well-“

“Thor and Loki are having a bit of a spat. A lover’s spat really. There’s also a lot of spitting from how loud they’ve been yelling at each other, so I saved Peter the trouble from sitting in there and being spit at during their spat. Well that and Peter has to be here, because if he weren’t here then I wouldn’t be here and we all know how boring that would’ve made my non-existent trip. Speaking of non-existent trips, Peter, why did you need me here again? Nope nevermind, I was waiting for you, but why was I waiting instead of looking? I should’ve looked for you, that would’ve made more sense. Then maybe I would’ve had some cake batter on hand and-“

“Tony.” Pepper had changed into her royal dressings for the meeting and was looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Hi Pep,” he said with a smile and a small wave of his fingers.

“Hello Tony,” she replied with a smile of her own.

“See! She calls me Tony! So does Peter, and Loki, and everyone else but you,” Tony snapped at Steve.

“Thor calls you Anthony,” Steve corrected.

“Yeah, but he doesn’t call me Hatter.”

“I call you Hatter because calling you Tony would insinuate that we are more than acquaintances,” Steve finished.

“I am insulted, offended, and slightly aroused,” Tony said with finality. He even crossed his arms and huffed for effect.

“Gentlemen, if you are both done with your own lover’s spat I would like to get down to the reason of why I’ve asked you here.”

Steve, Tony, and Peter sat in the seats at the small round table that appeared as they listened to Pepper speak.

“The Red Queen is furious with me. She believes that I have brought a strong warrior from a far off land to regain the castle and the grounds of our ancestry that she stole from me during our youth. Even before the lands were stolen from me I pleaded nothing but peace to my sister as I have been for all these years. She would have nothing of it instead cursing me, and telling me that I’ve taken everything from her. Now she is ready to burn down the entire forest if only to find this castle and destroy me along with it. The only way we can prevent this is if I have a warrior strong enough and willing enough to fight her unknown beast,” Pepper finished as she laid her hands upon the table cloth.

“She thinks the warrior is me right?” Peter asked.

Pepper nodded in confirmation.

“Would you like me to evacuate the woodland creatures my queen?” Steve asked.

“Yes, and I also must ask you to, if only temporarily, reclaim your title as The Captain and fight with us if that’s all right?”

“It must be really dangerous if you’re asking me to pick up my shield again isn’t it?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Steve nodded, rose from his seat, and left the hall with a furrowed brow.

“Okay, what’s the real reason the Red Queen is doing all this?” Tony questioned.

“It is as I’ve said Tony-“

“Bullshit. I am calling bullshit. The Red Queen doesn’t think that far ahead when she wants to kill people. She’s more like ‘Oh you didn’t compliment my new shoes. Off with your head!’ What you just said sounds more like something her manservant would tell her. What’s the real reason? Come on Pepper. Tell meeee,” Tony whined.

Pepper rolled her eyes before turning to Peter and saying, “She’s very upset that you didn’t go to her castle first.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Yeah that sounds more like her, and now Peter gets to fight her giant beast! Also, no, I’m talking about the monster she has locked up on her castle grounds not her-“

“-Okay Tony. Thank you. Would you like to bring some of your inventions from home for the upcoming battle?”

“Oh no, I have everything I need in my briefcases. Or are they more like suitcases? Well no they couldn’t be suitcases, those are at home. They carry my suits, which is why I brought my briefcases because they are filled with things for brief emergencies. By brief I don’t mean they’re done briefly more like they occur at a spur of the moment type of case. Hmm…I suppose they should be called emergency cases instead of briefcases, that would make much more sense. Yes, I’ve brought my emergency cases that have some briefly needed things within them,” Tony finished as he stood from his chair and began to walk out.

After the door closed behind him Peter turned to Pepper and raised an eyebrow.

“How did you and him have a thing?”

“He’s very intelligent, generous, kind, and he has a very large-“

“My queen! A letter from your sister!” A guard had come bearing a very large scroll.

“-Heart. Now you should be heading to your rooms to change, while I take care of this messy business,” she finished shooing Peter out after taking the scroll from the guard.

Peter stepped out of the private hall and back into the hallway. However he had no idea to get back to where he was.

“Next time I’ll leave a trail of breadcrumbs,” he muttered as he made his way down the hall.

All the doors looked different than when he first went this way, but maybe that was because he wasn’t really paying attention to his surroundings at the time. He regrets it now. 

After several minutes of getting nowhere he decides to start trying doors out. Some are locked and others he wished were locked before he opened them. Have you ever seen an elephant give birth? Peter now has and he wishes to erase that memory from his mind forever.(you’re probably looking up the video on youtube right now aren’t you? Stop that. It’s really gross.)

Soon he managed to open a door that led into a forest looking area.

“Welcome to the White Queen’s Green Room. May I be of service?” asked a purple bumble bee.

“Uh, yes. I’m a little lost and I need to get back to the main hall of the palace where Thor is.”

“Oh well that’s a baleful situation. Luckily for you, if you just head straight through here you’ll find a large white door. Open it and you’ll be back in the main hall. Easy peasy,” the   
bee answered.

“Thank you,” Peter responded as he started his way through the bushes.

“Be careful of the-“ the bee’s voice faded off before he could hear the rest.

It wasn’t too long before the white door came into sight and Peter breathed a sigh of relief. The feeling quickly wore off as he turned to have his face covered in smoke.

“Who are you?” came a voice from the smoke cloud.

“I’m Peter.”

“Peter who?”

“Peter Parker Rogers-Stark.”

“PETER! Sup dude,” came the now extremely familiar voice.

“Wade?”

“In the flesh,” Wade replied as the smoke cleared.

“Are you supposed to be the caterpillar?”

“Apparently, but honestly I think the writer was just running out of characters to use,” he replied scratching his head.

“But you’re still you, in your Deadpool outfit. Why aren’t you a caterpillar?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, the writer sucks, but how’ve you been dude.”

“I’m stuck down the rabbit hole with no idea why.”

“So wait you don’t know that you’re in a coma right now? Man, sucks to be you.”

“I’m in a what!?”

“Ohh, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. No you shut up! Yeah you’re right, I really should be more considerate or else a random plot device will deviate us from the conversation. Ya know I never thought of it like that.”

“Okay Wade, I’m just gonna go now. The sooner I get this over with the sooner I wake up, which will be better for everyone,” Peter said making his way to the door.

“Waaiiiitt! One more thing young grasshopper. Take this,” Wade said handing him a small black box.

“Please tell me you’re not proposing to me again,” he stated taking the box.

“No…unless you wanna-“

“No Wade. Tell me what this is.”

“You’ll know when to use it. Now get going before the creature in here that the bee forgot to warn you about catches you and devours you alive.”

Peter was about to say something before thinking better of it and exiting out of the white door. Luckily for him he came back just in time to see Thor and Loki ravenously making out. Actually that wasn’t lucky at all, he is now traumatized for the better part of the story.

“Oh Jesus Christ!” He covered his eyes and turned the other way for good measure.

Loki broke away and spoke first, “Hello Peter. Enjoying the view.”

“I need soap for my eyes!”

Thor had the decency to look embarrassed as they pulled away from eachother.

“The White Queen told me to tell Thor to assign me to a room so I can change,” Peter said his hands just now peeking out from between his fingers.

“I’m sure I know of the room she is speaking of,” Thor answered as he began walking to a flight of stairs that jus appeared within sight.

Honestly for a coma induced dream things were pretty linear. In his normal dreams things would be going on for a little while before the entire thing changes completely following a different rather wobbly string of timed events.

“So what do we know about the Red Queen’s beast?” Peter asked as he put on his boots.

Tony was with him, still in his suit but with a few additions onto it. A large pair of brass goggles hung around his neck, metal gauntlets sat on his hands and arms, and a matching pair of boots on his feet instead of his clean dress shoes.

“We know three things about it. It’s big. It’s ugly, and it’s green,” Tony answered.

“Uncle Bruce,” Peter thought to himself. This would be easier than he thought. The Hulk liked Spider-man, but he loved Peter. Wait, this wouldn’t be as easy as he thought. Wade was the only one who remembered who he was, well is. The chances that the Hulk will are non-existent. Maybe if he managed to turn the Hulk back into Bruce things would be easier, but the question would be how?

“Hey, are you all ready to head out?” came Steve’s voice from the doorway.

“As ready as we’ll ever be. I hope you’re prepared to fight Peter. I’ve seen that beast rip apart guys twice your size in the blink of an eye. The only difference between you and   
them that will give you a fighting chance is my intelligence, and the fire shooting boots.”

“Couldn’t you just call them rocket boots?”

“They don’t shoot rockets Peter.”

“But they shoot like rockets.”

“No. They’re fire shooting boots and that is that.”

Tony and Peter came outside of the armory room to be greeted by the sight of Steve in his Captain’s uniform.

“Oh captain my captain,” Tony purred.

Steve’s cheeks tinted pink as he glared at Tony before gesturing towards the exit doors.

The war was about to begin.


	5. Out of the Rabbit Hole

The armies approached eachother balefully. Peter was really curious as to who the red queen was going to be. So far all the parts seem to be filled by familiar faces, and even the smaller parts were taken by close friends.

"Well at least I know it's going to be a she, so that narrows down roughly half the list," he muttered.

A carriage was brought out on the backs of several guards riding atop hooded horses. Talk about over dramatic. A red boot stepped out of the side of the carriage and Peter could've cried from the sight that met his eyes next. The Red Queen was a goblin.

The Red Queen was The Green Goblin. Giant head, dress, heels, and all. It was hiliariously horrifying. So much so that he was beginning to wonder what kind of drugs the doctor must have him on in the hospital in order for his coma induced dream to be so fucked up.

The White Queen and The Red Queen met in the middle of the battlefield as both armies stayed in position.

"I beg of you once more. Please sister let us live in peace," Pepper pleaded.

"Absolutely not! You've made a mockery of me for the last time dear sister, and you are going to own up to your betrayl," the goblin replied snootily.

After a long pause, Pepper looked away and spoke with such finalty,"So be it then."

They parted ways and a knight who looked like Magneto stepped within sight holding up a paper and reading,"Please send your strongest warriors forward."

Steve nudged Peter forward and he began walking to the middle of the field. A cage was pulled forward by twenty masked knights and set where the Red Queen had stood. Peter stood opposite of it as the doors were opened and the men pulling the cage scurried to the ranks of soldiers as quickly as possible. A roar erupted from the cage at once before the crouched figure stepped out.

Yeah it was Bruce, well the Hulk really. He wore tattered black pants that barely clung to his legs. Despite him being green as mentioned, there was something off about him. Dark nearly black rings lining the bottom of his eyes. His veins were pulsing yes but they also looked gray, and there were many whip slashes on his back.

"I SMASH YOU!"

"Shit," Peter said clamboring for his sword.

The Hulk lifted a fist and Peter pulled his sword in time to slash his blow away before it landed on his head. This of course only made things much worse. The Hulk roared again knocking him off his feet and sending his shield in the opposite direction. The soldiers on each side of the battlefield charged towards eachother as Peter dashed to his feet. He got a hold of his sword again in time for the Hulk to punch him into one of the broken cinderblock walls where a castle once stood.

The Hulk ran towards him and Peter crawled out of the debris, quickly rolling out of the way before another punch could drop.

As Peter was scrambling and tumbling for his life, the fight in the battefield grew nasty. Thor knocked out several opponents with his battle axe, dived under a man's legs  as another tried slicing his head off with a long sword. He stood up and kicked a soldier in the back placing a heavy dent in his armor and knocking him to the ground. Tony flew over the battlefield but didn't get far into the queen's territory before a chain wrapped around his boot. Several soldiers started dragging him down to knock him off trajectory before a shield flew in an arc cutting the link and setting him free. The soldiers that were pulling fell backward and Steve dashed over, jumping into the air to snatch his shield again. Before he dropped down Tony swooped him up tossing him into the mass of the Red Queen's soldiers as they promptly unleased hell. Loki stayed out of sight, doing small things like flipping the enemies' helmets in the wrong direction, making their weapons impossible to keep a grip on, and setting fire to their catapults, but nothing big.

Peter sat crouched under several tossed boulders trying to catch his breath. The Hulk was panting heavily knocking random sections of wall out of his way. He let out another roar and began clawing at the ground. Peter started to crawl away from his hiding spot before a black box fell out of his armor. The box Wade gave him!

"Well this would probably be the best time to use it," he said preparing to pry it open. Before he could see what was inside the boulder he was hiding near was tossed out of the way. A green hand snatched him up and he was face to face with his transformed uncle.

"Bruce!"

The Hulk's eyes widened and his grip slightly tightened.

"Bruce, hey. I'm here to help you okay?"

"H-help?"

"Yeah, help. Just put me down first okay."

"H-help? H-help." He stated shaking Peter a little. Which from the Hulk's point of view was a little, but to a normal human being made Peter look like a rag doll.

"Yeah."

"No help."

"What?"

"NO HELP!" The Hulk screeched lifting Peter up and tossing him into the concrete. The box he was holding had flown into the air and an arrow from down below pierced it so that it exploded over the Hulk's head. White dust got into the Hulk's eyes and he began furiously rubbing at his face.

Two pairs of arms hauled him up and wiped some of the blood off his face.

"Just in time too, right DumDum," came Natasha's voice.

"You're right about that DeeDee," Clint's voice followed.

Peter managed to pull away from his grasp so he could stand on his own.

"Thanks," he said.

They didn't have time to reply as a low groan sounded behind him. Bruce laid on the concrete, with some blood spilling out of the corner of his mouth.

"So that's where he went. Old Hatty will be glad about this," Natasha said walking over to Bruce.  
Immediately the sounds of battle grew quiet. 

"That's your cue Mr.Peter," Clint said pushing him to the old castle wall edge.

Soldiers on both sides looked up at him to see him in one piece. Natasha had Bruce slung over her back unconscious, and a loud cheer broke out over the weary fighters. Before Peter knew it he was being walked down to the White Queen.

"Thank you Peter, for your bravery," she said placing a hand onto his cheek.

He smiled and leaned into the touch replying,"I didn't really do anything."

"Well I wouldn't say nothing. I mean doing nothing is kind of impossible because everyone is doing something at all times, now you can engage in doing nothing while again doing something therefore implying that nothing is not being done resulting in a double negative that-mmfff!" Steve cut him off with a heady pressing of lips.

"Shut up Tony," he said pulling away.

"Yes sir Captain sir," Tony answered a bit dazed.

"Okay, well, this is the part where I wake up and go home," Peter said his smile nearly splitting his face.

"I suppose it is yes," Pepper answered.

There was a long pause as Peter survyed his surroundings. Nothing happened.

"Something's wrong," he said looking around again.

"Nothing's happening," he said again growing more panicked.

"Calm down sweetie, we're almost there," came a voice from his left.

Peter looked and saw Wade right next to him. He was in a pink car, driving along the underside of a highway intersection. Wade sat in the drivers seat wearing a suit over his costume and his mask was pulled up just enough to show his lips.

"Unless you want me to give you another good bye kiss," he said leaning over.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

\---

Peter woke up screaming in his hospital bed.

"Peter! Peter calm down! You're okay!"

Tony pressed a hand to his chest and gently pushed him back into a reclining position.

"I had the most fucked up dream," Peter panted.

"Language," Steve scolded from his seat.

"What happened?"

"Well for starters, you're grounded for the next three weeks," Steve chimed.

"Oh thank god," Peter replied relieved.


	6. That's All Folks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures of their battle outfits will be posted in a week at the most.

"Talk about strange dreams," Steve said from his seat.

The doctors had come in to do a final check before Peter was considered stable enough for home recovery. He was getting what little of his things he had there and retold the story during the check-up and the changing process.

"We could make a movie," Tony uttered.

"No," Peter deadpanned.

They got all the last bits of paperwork settled downstairs at the front desk before heading to the car.

"You're at least going to tell your aunts and uncles this story right? I mean Tweedlee and Tweedledum deserve to know. Right Mr.Rabbit?" Tony said cozying up to Steve's side.

"Tony, leave him alone. Peter doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to."

"No pop, dad's right. I think I'll tell them about it. I'm sure Uncle Bruce will get a kick out of hearing the interactions you two had,"

Peter said kicking his feet back and forth.

"Yeah I can't wait to see their faces," said Wade from behind the side seat.

"WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN MY CAR?!"

"Just now! I was waiting in the trunk til you guys got in. You guys need better security anyway. Personally I would love to be looked at for the job opportunity," Deadpool said giddiling clapping his hands.

"Tony open the door," Steve said before landing several punches into Wade's jaw. Tony did as he was told just as Steve tossed Wade out of the door. He closed it back and they buckled their seatbelts again.

"Note to self, put a sensor in the trunk," Tony said scratching the back of his neck.

"We can work on it when we get home dad."

**THE END**


End file.
